Poser

pos·er  /ˈpōzər/

Noun

– A person who acts in an affected manner in order to impress others.

I am a poser. I might as well spell it as poseur so as to appear like this elegant girl with mouthful of words to throw. I like to pretend A LOT and make-believe scenarios that I wish would happen to me. The worst part is I spit all these scenarios to my friends. I would tell them that this blah came up to me and blah. Blah. BLAh.

Can I just say that the look on their faces are priceless. For a moment there I feel this tinge of rapture creeping inside me.. bubbling up.

but at the end of the day, underneath it all I feel empty. isolated. lonesome.

I am fucked up in the head. At times it feels like I have this condition wherein I distort the reality. memory. myself. I am aware of it though. the mutilation. the twistedness. the warping; and I despise myself for that. I try as hard as I can to prevent this and I can say that I am pretty much triumphant. pretty much.

There are bad times though. Especially when I get “the relapse”.

I always wonder if I should call myself a poser.

Does it fit me?

Should I label myself as one?

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